Alright!

You are Benevolent Winston Peters and as our adventure begins, you’re having a nightmare.

It’s the most horrible dream, about an alternate version of you in another universe. Alternate you is a soulless withered hate-filled husk that rants on about wokeness and the corrupt media. Alternate you is a horrible, narcissistic turd of a man, a fully conscripted grunt in the culture wars who’s doing his very best to make everything terrible for a country that, against all odds, he’s partly in charge of.

Shudder!

You wake drenched in sweat. You breathe a gigantic sigh of relief as you realise that you are not the haggard lich of your dreams.

You are Benevolent Winston Peters, a happy go lucky hobbit who sees the goodness in everyone.

As it’s a Saturday, you decide to go on an adventure. First, you must head to the fascinating sounding Inn of Rules, where you’ll learn the rules of the game. You put on your little Benevolent Winston Peters hobbit hat, and your tiny little Benevolent Winston Peters hobbit shoes and head out of the door.